Too shallow? If your expectations are not adjusted correctly, you will have a barrier to deepening the conversation.

Kardas, M., Kumar, A., and Epley, N. (2021) Too Shallow? Kardas, M., Kumar, A., and Epley, N. (2021) Too Shallow: Barriers to Deepening Conversations When Expectations Are Not Correctly Adjusted. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1037/pspa0000281

Commentary

People may desire deep and meaningful relationships with others, but may be hesitant to engage in deep and meaningful conversations with strangers that could generate those relationships.

We hypothesized that people systematically underestimate how caring and　interested strangers present their intimacy, and that these false expectations create psychological barriers to deeper conversations. The results showed that, as hypothesized, conversations between strangers were less uncomfortable than the participants themselves had expected and produced more connection and happiness. (Experiments 1a-5)

There was a tendency to overestimate the value of awkward deep conversations compared to shallow ones. (Experiments 2-5) In particular, after having both types of conversations, participants also felt more connected to their deep conversation partners than to their shallow conversation partners. (Experiments 6a-b)

Systematic differences in expectations and experiences emerged because participants expected others to be less concerned about their disclosure in conversation than they actually were. (Experiments 1a, 1b, 4a, 4b, 5, and 6a)

These false expectations about others are important because they guide how we talk to each other in conversation.